Anger is something that a lot of people have been dealing with and it brings so many negative consequences. Even though we understand that at times it can be consuming to the point that one "can only see red", at other times it can escalate to something that we cannot even recognize. 

- How many times have you gotten angry TODAY? - Once this answer is more than one time, it may be good for you to rethink about what anger means to you.

Think about that for a second! Stop what you're doing and think about that...

How many times have you been angry today, or even how many times have you been angry in the past week? [Perhaps is countless...]

What does anger mean to you? Is it part of your life? Is it something that you want/need to change?

Being angry is an emotion that it may be generated from fear, so what were you afraid about when you got angry in that specific moment?

For example you can be driving in traffic and get really pissed off about being there. So what would you be afraid of?

Most of times we are not aware of that being fear, but it may be. Perhaps it is fear of getting into an accident or fear of getting late somewhere. I hope this can be now clear to you, on how fear is part of anger.

There are steps one can take to prevent and understand better about your own angry moments

  • Recognizing the physical effects of emotions help you to be able to control them in moments of stress (Adler, Rosen, and Silverstein - "Emotions in Negotiation", 1998)  - It is extremely important to be mindful about the physical reaction you are having on those moments, then you would be able to "control" yourself, or even be yourself properly.

  • Being aware of "what are you afraid about" is an incredible tool to increase your own self awareness and prevent the escalation of it. In moments of anger it may escalate to rage and further to violence

  • Ignoring it does not work! You need to acknowledge the anger and fear in order to move on from it

  • Truly looking and respecting who you are must be standing strong to demonstrate love, care, and respect towards yourself and your actions

  • Focusing on the disempowering emotions that are dragging you into that spiral of regrets have to be understood in order to change into positive constructive emotions

For the future prevention of being angry:

  • Determine what are the situations that trigger your anger; and your fear on those moments. Finding out the patterns of anger triggers is key for helping yourself to prevent outburst 

  • Find out "who" or "what" makes you feel that way

  • Show confidence... even if you are not at all. It makes you be more capable to move away from the "bad side" of it

  • Reduce your stress level. Maybe mediation, mindfulness, therapy, coaching, talking with friends about your real feeling and concerns, exercise in a regular basis...

  • Make a list of things that pisses you off! - When bringing those to awareness you will be more prepared for those times

Anger being a challenging emotion is one that can be tamed as long as you can be yourself, confident, and aware. Self awareness play a huge role in those angry moments, in which you self regulation needs to be in tune with your "self". 

Unfortunately, many times when we are angry, we are with our loved ones... Why is that? Do they deserve all of those things we say and do at angry moments? Are they comfortable in having you as the worst version of yourself?

Are you happy with not being the best version of yourself?

I don't think so... And I think you agree. 

Therefore, being the best version of yourself is a competence that can be achieved with practice, determination, love, and practice. I am saying practice twice because we have been doing the same thing the same way for many and many years, thus changing those habits takes a while.

Remember that you will not change one day to another, its a process of increasing your self awareness and the culture you are practicing for a while. Those challenging habits can be changed with perseverance and guidance. 

I am here to help you to help yourselves... Let me know how.