There are times we have to have "THAT" conversation... One that may be because you feel hurt, or perhaps because you will be moving far away, or even to ask for that raise you think is more than fair.
On those moments there are plenty of circumstantial and environmental things happening, plus all the unknown things that one cannot explain, see, or predict. You can only know that the known exists, and rest assure that it will reveal itself soon.
In that time of uncertainty, there are a lot of disempowering emotions that come into play. When those emotions are making you question yourself in every way to move forward with that conversation, you may start creating and fantasizing histories that may or may not have any potentiality to be true. Our mind can rush away into creating and inventing histories that will become stronger and may consume your entire day, week, even month, thus if the conversation is really serious in your mind, it has to happen, otherwise those stories will consume you.
How many times have you felt this way? How many times have you caught yourself overthinking? And in my case, how many times have you asked your mind to “shut up”?
Generally overthinking makes you to feel anxiety, stress, insecurity, anger, frustration... and so many more disempowering emotions. Definitely we cannot avoid that conflict, in which is creating so many negative emotions, hence facing that conversation is crucial for your wellbeing.
Now, how to start that conversation? Build a scenario.
1) Write down all you want to say – No matter how harsh or direct. Put all the facts and emotions necessary to build your case. Focus on your qualities and avoid mentioning others, own your part of the matter and be honest
2) Change your point of view and read the letter – What would the other person respond to that letter? Write down a response to the letter you wrote. Imagine that you are in the other person’s shoes, and be real to what him/her would respond
3) Read both letters and rewrite the one you first wrote. Before you start writing, think genuinely what is your desired outcome from this conversation, and then write it all with a deep sense of honesty, trust, ownership, and flexibility. It is important to know that the desired outcome may not be exactly what you thought of, however you have to aim to the best possible one while being open to another.
Difficult conversations have to be well thought, and then you will be able to deal with it in the best way possible.
Finally, in those conversations keep in mind to have an attitude towards integration, collaboration, and mutual gain. The importance of not blaming others is crucial to get through that conversation without harm and negative emotions. Therefore, when you are done talking, do the most important step of dealing with that difficult conversation; listen. Remember that the up coming response have already been played out in your head, as well as this is the moment that you will understand fully the results and possible changes that you were expecting.