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Becoming the Best Version of Yourself

There are many things that needs to be done to become your Best Self. I will not be able to explain them all here, yet let me give you some ideas.

What would be some examples?

1) Create Boundaries - Say “NO” to protect yourself, not to harm other people

2) Be truthful with your feelings, peers, family, and especially self. We tend to lie to ourself, stop.

3) Be transparent - Not only honest. A lot of us ask for honesty, however asking for transparency has more nuances that are direct, focused, and with no B.S nor surprises.

4) Organize yourself - By birth order, temperament, experience, and desire. People forget that organization is not done universally, it has to be cater to who you are in order to be effective

5) If you are wrong about something, admit it. Showing our vulnerability is a great strategy to fix your issues, most of us see it as it will become more complicated, yet it makes it simpler. It is about being confident.

6) Be ambitious - Be careful not to be greedy. Ready about it and see what are the differences between one and the other. You’ll be surprised.

7) If there’s something or someone that keeping coming back in your mind, it means you have not “move on”, “forgave”, “forget”, or whatever you would like to call. It means you need to RESOLVE that complicated thought. The only way you will move on from remembering that difficult memory is dealing with it constructively. AVOIDING DOES NOT RESOLVE.

8) There are many more things that will help you… Start with those and see how far will you go.

A quote I like is “90% of life is information and 10% is how to react to it”, that means that you need to see everything people are telling you ONLY as information. There is no need to feel hurt, disappointed, or anything else… because it’s only information.

A good strategy for you to build a little bit of confidence.

1) Look at yourself in the mirror, say 3 things about your body that you like for 7 days. No quality can be repeated and it has to be about your body ONLY.

2) After that, say 5 things “why would people want to date you?” for 7 days. No quality can be repeated.

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Escalation of Conflicts

    There are so many moments in life that we get heated and conflicts may get out of hand! How many times have ever gotten to a moment that you have "lost it" and went all the way from anger to violence?

    - Those moments are possible to be avoided. 

    The first step is to understand and be aware of the potential reasons for those "outbursts", in which could come from a psychological or a situational side for example. (Keep in mind which ones relate to you)

Psychological (Think of your own)

  1. The need for power, achievement, and/or affiliation

  2. A competitive orientation - Win/Lose positioning

  3. Intrapersonal conflicts - The "stuff" within we tell ourselves "it has nothing to do with that"

  4. Biased information 

  5. Overthinking or even "thoughts rumination" 

  6. Scripts (The ideas, concerns, and histories that one have already created or have lived with the other, in which every interaction will be relived or pre-constructed in advance)

Situational

  1. Ambiguity about power

  2. Time Pressure

  3. Lack of information 

  4. Unstable social situations

  5. Changes (Even slight changes on communications, perceptions, issues, and expectations)

"When these areas play a role in the conflict, we may 'lose it' and make it escalate rapidly, being aware of which one is yours might help out"

    It is clear that the situational ones are very difficult to predict since it is basically out of your control, in the other hand the psychological ones could be the ones we can mostly control, or I mean do out best to control it.

    Even though for me it was challenging to control my psychological attributes during conflicts, it is not only achievable it gets better with practice. 

    Getting "really good" at dealing with conflicts have to come from educating yourself about it and practicing it daily. 

Practice! - That is key!

"Dealing with conflicts constructively is challenging, yet when you become your true self, the 'whom' you want to portray to others, the best version of yourself... You will not be dealing with conflicts, you'll be transforming them" - Hans Kohler

 

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