There are so many moments in life that we get heated and conflicts may get out of hand! How many times have ever gotten to a moment that you have "lost it" and went all the way from anger to violence?
- Those moments are possible to be avoided.
The first step is to understand and be aware of the potential reasons for those "outbursts", in which could come from a psychological or a situational side for example. (Keep in mind which ones relate to you)
Psychological (Think of your own)
The need for power, achievement, and/or affiliation
A competitive orientation - Win/Lose positioning
Intrapersonal conflicts - The "stuff" within we tell ourselves "it has nothing to do with that"
Overthinking or even "thoughts rumination"
Scripts (The ideas, concerns, and histories that one have already created or have lived with the other, in which every interaction will be relived or pre-constructed in advance)
Ambiguity about power
Lack of information
Unstable social situations
Changes (Even slight changes on communications, perceptions, issues, and expectations)
"When these areas play a role in the conflict, we may 'lose it' and make it escalate rapidly, being aware of which one is yours might help out"
It is clear that the situational ones are very difficult to predict since it is basically out of your control, in the other hand the psychological ones could be the ones we can mostly control, or I mean do out best to control it.
Even though for me it was challenging to control my psychological attributes during conflicts, it is not only achievable it gets better with practice.
Getting "really good" at dealing with conflicts have to come from educating yourself about it and practicing it daily.
Practice! - That is key!
"Dealing with conflicts constructively is challenging, yet when you become your true self, the 'whom' you want to portray to others, the best version of yourself... You will not be dealing with conflicts, you'll be transforming them" - Hans Kohler